Feedback Loop...

State-Space Equation of a Feedback Loop, Source: Wikibooks

Topics: Commentary, Education, Politics

Spoiler alert: This post has nothing to do with Control Systems Theory.

I recall reading a story in the Winston-Salem Sentinel (when we had morning and evening newspapers): about a young man, my age at the time (11-years-old). His parents motivated him by paying $10 for every “A” he made. One semester, he made a “B.” To teach him a lesson – the article reported – his parents paid him nothing on any of the other A grades. He promptly – or, sometime during that day – went out to their barn and tragically used his family's shotgun. I would get older...he would not.

When I first attended NC A&T State University, like most freshmen, I was in love with someone who wasn’t on campus (she was a high school senior). Looking back, our difference in age and maturity should have made me immediately end the relationship on my getting to campus. I initially majored in Engineering Mathematics, knowing I wanted to be in a STEM field, but not quite committing to Electrical, Mechanical or Industrial Engineering (as I look back, I’m not quite sure why).

My first semester ended with average grades, but my relationship back in Winston-Salem got harder to manage. I thought more frequent visits would heal our divide that kept getting wider. To make a long story short: I achieved four “Fs” for my trouble, and got placed on academic probation. My father – after our breakup – gave me a stark choice: get it together, or go in the military. (I did eventually on graduation, but as an officer in the Air Force.)

I met Dr. Tom Sandin purely by chance in front of Marteena Hall as I pondered my father’s ultimatum. Dr. Sandin was funny and affable, and suggested I not quit, but instead “try physics.” Physics, I thought? What evidence do I have now that I’m even good enough to complete a degree, let alone increase the complexity of my matriculation? Tom Sandin insisted, and I changed my major from Engineering Mathematics to Engineering Physics. It was encouragement, but that was enough. That's not to say Tom Sandin was an easy teacher! I got many a low grade with the note "see the answer" that he posted after every homework or quiz in the Library Mezzanine. I worked hard, sacrificing Fridays, weekends and summers my peers used to work internships for summer school courses; every summer until I graduated. I gradually pushed my GPA to a 3.0 (the four Fs prior dragging down my overall). I made the dean’s list a few times. I found out later to my delight, that Dr. Sandin also taught a personal hero of mine, Dr. Ron McNair, the first black astronaut from a HBCU; I met him in Greensboro when my Air Force ROTC detachment honored his maiden voyage into space. I was emotionally saddened by the Challenger Disaster.

Failure is feedback. Sometimes the thought of failure - earned or unfair - in life can be a great motivator and filter of what you will and will not do.

I called Ron McNair before his final mission, December of 1985. He revealed to me that someone at MIT sabotaged his research five weeks before his PhD dissertation, considering the times, likely due to jealousy and racism. He didn't let that stop him. He re-accomplished five years of research in three weeks time. He did not sleep until he had completed his oral defense. After that, Dr. McNair (officially) slept for a week.

I can’t help but thinking what happened at UCLA is a reflection on the society we’ve created. Millennials are joked about, parodied, etc. I recall, and know most martial arts organization, soccer, T-ball and extracurricular activities give participation medals (see the parody). Charlie Brown would strive every summer to win a baseball game; he would strive mightily to kick the football before Lucy pulled it away: he never did it. We understood it was Charles Schultz's camp humor that made the gag work every time, but it was an object lesson: it showed perseverance, that you don't have to start out "perfect" and always be perfect to be successful. Unlike Charlie Brown, we can learn and grow from our mistakes.

What happened at UCLA could be any campus USA. It’s similar to what happened in Aurora, Colorado when James Holmes killed twelve people and wounded several others: he’d failed his qualifier in graduate school for Neurosciences. Holmes - as someone who’d likely never received a failing grade in his life, freaked. He never fell in love and failed four subjects; no one sabotaged his research due to his cultural ancestry. I’m sure this man who killed his engineering professor in California (and apparently had a "kill list" of additional offenders) had a similar, privileged pedigree. Unlike Holmes, he apparently achieved a PhD. Also unlike Holmes: because of his name, cultural background, ethnicity and the volatile election cycle, he didn't do us any favors in a clearly fractured nation, split by crassly manipulated bigotry for political gain.

Life will be challenging and disappointing, academically, personally and professionally. What distinguishes achievers from others is being willing to learn from mistakes and grow better from them. Violent tantrums – especially the lethal kind – serve no purpose, other than brief sensationalism... and oblivion. A personal Armageddon is not a reward, nor a victory. It is as this essay began and always will be: tragic.